"Don't Go in the House" (1980)

There's no easy way to put this-- Don't Go in the House may be a classic slasher film, but it ain't pretty. In fact, the entire premise can be summed up in two sentences: a crazed construction worker was abused as a child by his sadistic mother, who always set parts of his body on fire.  His ideal coping mechanism involves picking up strange women at discos, taking them home, and setting them on fire. He would have been better off if he just practiced some meditation or scrapbooking, eh?

Lucky for you all, you can watch Don't Go in the House on YouTube for free.  No need to buy the movies, folks, unless you really, really like fire and/or disco....

P.S. The director hired dancers to play the parts of the burned women-- they looked just like the original actresses but were much slimmer.  Apparently, when a body is burned it shrinks drastically in size.  Interesting.

P.S.S. This film is mainly well-known due to Quentin Tarantino, who notoriously featured it at his first film festival in 1996.

"Devil Times Five" (1974)

Also known as Peopletoys (I'm glad that name didn't really stick), Devil Times Five is every future child/adolescent psychologist's nightmare.  When a bus transporting a whole bunch of criminally insane patients crash, only five survivors are left: sociopathic, homicidal kiddos.  When they are taken in by friendly vacationing adults, strange things begin to happen... like, you know, fire-poker-in-the-chest strange.

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Unfortunately, Devil Times Five isn't available via Netflix yet.  You can download it for free, though, from Internet Archive.  However, you can always buy a copy from Amazon, as well as check out the trailer below:



P.S. Teen heartthrob Lief Garrett is actually cast as one of the maniacal children.  He recently won the celebrity edition of Fear Factor. I guess his film career is going up?

"The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (1974)

....and no, ladies and gents, I'm not talking about the remake with Jessica Biel, or for that matter the one with Renee Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey.  No, no, today we are looking at the orignal The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, directed by horror rock star Tobe Hooper.  A group of teenagers/dirty hippies are traveling in a van to see their grandfather's house in Texas.  Unfortunately for them, they are soon targeted and tracked down by an isolated, malicious family that has a taste for bloodshed, and human flesh.  Literally.  While each member of the clan is frightening in their own way, the one who takes the cake is Leatherface, a large, husky man who adorns himself in his victim's skin and a chainsaw.

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You can rent this gem from Netflix, or bite the bullet and purchase it from Amazon.  Don't forget to check out the following clip below:



P.S. Even though the film states that it was based on a true story, no hippies were actually harmed in the making of this film, or in real life.  Instead, the character of Leatherface is based off of serial killer Ed Gein, who made lamp shades and masks out of his victims' flesh.  He is also stated as the inspiration behind The Silence of Lambs antagonist Jamie Gunn, as well as Psycho's Norman Bates.

P.S.S. Gunnar Hansen, the actor who played Leatherface, was actually a computer operator before auditioning for the film.  He did a wee bit of theater and thought it would be fun to be in a movie, and so he auditioned for and won the role.  Apparently, he endured a lot during filming.  For instance, the budget was so low that his character only had one shirt.  He had to film for four weeks in the hot Texas weather.  By the end of shooting, apparently no one wanted to eat lunch with him because he smelled so bad.

"Milo" (1998)

I'm constantly amazed at what crazy stories horror filmmakers come up with.  Luckily for us, the creator of the Oscar-worthy Anaconda (oh, I jest) also came up with Milo.  The story revolves around a young, deranged doctor's kid, Milo, who likes to wear a yellow jacket and talk in a raspy voice.  When he convinces five neighborhood girls to examine his father's at-home OB/GYN office (nothing demented there, eh?), he murders one of them in the operating chair.  With stirrups.  20 years later, the surviving girls have aged gracefully, but are shocked, when they come to visit their hometown, that Milo has not.  He still is a demonic little brat who wants them all dead.

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There are tons of options to get your Milo-on: you can watch it instantly on Netflix, for free on Youtube, or you can just buy it from Amazon.  So many options!  You should probably check out the trailer below to help make your decision. WARNING: I could NOT find this trailer in English, so I had to settle for a very poor quality trailer. My apologies, folks.



P.S. Although this film is deemed to be pretty poor in terms of originality or scare factor, it definitely has its moments.  For instance, if you look closely you can spot Mila Kunis making her film debut as a student in the classroom.

"Drive Thru" (2007)

I'm honestly not sure which is scarier: a demonic killer clown or the greasy fast food it tries to sell.  While I think I'd fear the crappy food more, Drive Thru is a movie that gets its scare factor from Horny, an appropriately named clown from fast food joint Hella Burger.  When he's not killing bratty Orange County teens, he is stalking Mackenzie, a punk rock teenager played by Gossip Girl star Leighton Meester.  While it's definitely not an Oscar-worthy flick, Drive Thru is campy, fun, and has Penn Badgley-- it could be worse.

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Rent Drive Thru from Netflix or buy it straight from Amazon.  Regardless, if you love silly, bloody horror movies, you won't be disappointed.  Still not convinced? Check out this trailer:



P.S. Going with the fast food theme, Super Size Me director Morgan Spurlock makes a cameo appearance as a manager of Hella Burger.  Can we say ironic?

P.S.S. The town where all this carnage is occurring is called "Blanca Carne."  It means "white meat" in Spanish.

"When a Stranger Calls" (1979)

In my humble opinion, no other horror movie has such a strong, frightening opening scene.  For this reason alone, When a Stranger Calls is an instant classic that all horror fanboys (and fangirls) should watch.  The first 20 minutes of this movie is notorious for making even the most die-hard horror nuts quiver, and spawed the whole "babysitter-stalked-by-killer" theme we still see in cinema today.  Carol Kane (yes, that squeaky lady from Taxi) plays teenager Jill Johnson, who is babysitting the children of an affluent couple.  While she attempts to do her homework and gossip on the landline, she starts getting calls from a creepy dude, asking her, "Have you checked on the children?"  After several minutes of this game, she soon learns that the call is coming from a second landline in the house-- yikes.  Needless to say, the children are brutally murdered and, seven years later, the killer returns to go after her own offspring.

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Rent When a Stranger Calls from Netflix, or bite the bullet and add it to your collection (grab it from Amazon for the best price).  For your viewing pleasure, check out the opening scene below:



P.S. This movie was actually shot originally as a short film entitled The Sitter.  However, director Fred Walton thought that he could make some big bucks after the success of Halloween, and so he stretched out the movie from 20 minutes to 1 1/2 hours.

P.S.S. This flick was later remade in 2006 under the same title.  Starring Camilla Belle, it is the exact premise (except with a cooler house and a lot less originality) as the original.

"A Nightmare on Elm Street" (1984)

A Nightmare on Elm Street isn't just one of Wes Craven's first horror movies, or Johnny Depp's introduction into cinema.  Instead, it is a pioneer in the genre known as "slasher films."  What makes this film so frightening is that, as opposed to other slashers of the day such as Halloween and Friday the 13th, is that it has a supernatural twist.  Years ago, Freddy Kreuger, a pedophile/child murderer, was burned alive by disgruntled parents who feared for their children's safety.  As the children become teenagers, Freddy, adorned in an ugly striped sweater and metal claws reminiscent of X-Men's Wolverine, haunts their dreams, killing them both while asleep and in real life.

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Rent A Nightmare on Elm Street on Netflix, or buy it on Amazon.  Regardless, if you consider yourself a horror fan, you must add this classic to your collection.  Check out the following trailer for a sneak preview:



P.S. Unlike other famous film killers, like Jason or Michael Meyers, Freddy Krueger is not simply a large, silent monster.  Instead, he is dark, demented, and somewhat funny.  Originally, Freddy was supposed to follow the others' examples, but actor Robert Englund successfully created a novel character.

P.S.S. Freddy Krueger was named after Wes Craven's schoolyard bully.  He apparently tormented him relentlessly during their shared paper routes.  Talk about poetic justice....

"American Gothic" (1988)

What do you get when you combine two genres of horror movies-- the survival island theme and the deranged family living off the grid-- into one?  Well, if you add in Yvonne De Carlo from The Munsters fame you get American Gothic, a 1980's slasher film that is still one of my favorites.  A bunch of teenagers get stranded on an island when their plane crashes unexpectedly.  Unfortunately for them, the island is less Gilligan's Island and more like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, with the teenagers as mere toys for the island's overgrown, crazed family.

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Sadly, you can't even rent this movie on Netflix, since it is so rare.  However, Amazon has this DVD for sale for ultra-cheap-- $6.49!  If you love campy flicks, then make sure to keep this in mind.  Additionally, check out this clip for a preview:



P.S. In case you can't tell, this movie's poster is based on Grant Wood's famous painting, American Gothic.

"The Slumber Party Massacre"

The following post is from Happy and Wrong, which features a Terror Tuesday section about horror movies.

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Directed by Amy Holden Jones (obviously, a woman), you would think this slasher flick from the early 1980's would showcase leading women in a strong, heroic light.... WRONG.  You, in fact, would be dead wrong.  Instead, this flick is one giant scantily-clad slumber party mixed with a few gratuitous shower scenes.  However, despite all of its blatant sexuality and cliches, it is a fun movie that gives us a blast from the past in terms of old skool horror flicks.  Oh.  And the killer's weapon of choice is a giant drill.  I could go all day with the Freudian symbols and probable penis envy from the director, but I'll digress.... instead, just watch a clip below from the movie that showcases one of the best hiding places for a dead body.... ever.